How to Win Over the Public

Welcome to the 2^nd instalment of my Ashes blog now titled  “How to win over

and influence the press”

How to Soften Up the Opposition Press

Having sorted out most of the issues from the first test match it’s now time for me to take on the role as Self Appointed PR manager for the England team, as obviously there isn’t anyone doing it at the moment so I hereby offer my services once again to the ECB.

However as my ticket from the ECB to fly out to Australia still hasn’t arrived, it is a role I am undertaking from the comfort of my home in the UK. That however has its drawbacks and I wasn’t able to communicate my advice to KP during the recent flight to Alice Springs and had to wait for the plane to land before speaking with him. KP is as you are all aware our “Go to Guy” and therefore I thought would be the ideal person to deliver my plan whilst my flight is arranged. Infact I was actually on the phone to him when the team were passing through the airport and that’s why he could not take his earphones out as he was listening to me, so please don’t think KP was being ignorant to your press guys, it was an innocent mistake – Honest.

The next stage of my strategy was to suggest they visit the Aboriginal site and I asked the leader of the group they were meeting if he could arrange for some of the touring party to bounce around pretending to be funny animals.
I spoke to Captain Cook to discuss my plan but unbelievably, but in his most forceful and loud public school boy voice strongly argued against it, do you know it took me nearly 2 minutes to explain the reason behind my plan and he then quickly caved in…errr sorry, agreed my point of view.

The plan was now moving along quickly and I also asked the players to go
along with my idea and “pretend to make fools of yourselves”
"You will win over the hearts and minds of every Australian press reporter" I
confidently said.  I must say that making a complete idiot of themselves in
front of the press came very easily to them and I wonder if it's because of all the
practice they had recently!!!

PR Manager Now Has a Workforce

Great news folks, my family has decided to join my PR Management Team as we think the England Cricket team and ECB need all the help  and expertise available.

 What credentials do they have? I hear you ask, well my son works in the hospitality business and is used to ensuring the important people are supplied with a sufficient supply of drinks during important events (2nd Test) that way I will ensure the press report the correct message about "Our Boys" being fearless but fair cricketers.

My wife and daughter are both Manchester United fans (also known by the Blue half of Manchester as "Them Over There" or "Scum") They are more than used to 90% of the country hating them and will provide valuable support and expert knowledge to the ECB in these difficult days. I am 100% sure that once the ECB admin staff organise our flights then the PR team will do everything we can to sort out what could be a PR disaster.

Well that's all for now ahead of the next warm up game,  I should point out for legal reasons that these views are my own and some (you decide) could be fiction.  Comments via Twitter using the Hastag  GetTerryonthePlane

One final note the sledging doesn't really bother most fans, its gone on for years, Jimmy A gives as good as he gets and Clarke was just unlucky it got picked up by the mic. Plenty of ex players are saying just get on with it and see you in the bar afterwards, It's the Ashes for goodness sake.

 

 

Ashes to Ashes

Welcome to the first instalment of my Ashes blog otherwise known as  “What the Hell Happend in Brisbane” or “do I need to get a flight to Australia and sort things out” or Terry's back on his soapbox again.

After the brilliant efforts of Australia’s favourite Englishman Stuart Broad in the first innings it all went downhill quicker than a Nick Clegg LibDem manifesto promise.

So what has gone wrong apart from raining during the warm up games and sunshine in Brisbane test; Read on

 

Opening Pair

Most have forgotten how dodgy the opening pair have been since Strauss retired and the latest sacrificial lamb is Carberry who reined in his natural game, unlike Warner, and became almost stroke less. If he continues to wait for the bad ball he’ll wait a long time as his 14 ball duck has now meant he scored just 1 run, that’s 1 run in his last 50+ balls faced. At this rate Boycott could get a game.

 

Dead Man Walking

Dear Mr Jonathan Trott,  you must look how to duck or sway away from the short ball and god knows there are enough ex players around who faced proper hostile bowling to learn from. I like the Aussie pace attack but this isn’t Lillee and Thommo out there.

You  (normally/did have/do......delete as required) have a reputation for occupying the crease and not taking risks, this is your role, GET back to basics.

 

Boyd Rankin

I know I am in the minority by suggesting he plays but the only reason he has gone on the tour is because he can bowl with pace and bounce. The selectors must have thort’ similar or why waste the air fare.  If pace will be as decisive in the next tests play him, if not the please fly me out there coz I am more than willing to carry drinks onto the pitch. And, yes there is an and, please don’t talk to me about him leaking runs when Swann’s figures of 2/135 in the 2^nd innings are hardly containing.

 

Swann

Big, big wakeup call – a career as the cheeky chappie on BBC radio awaits you. Well you have been doing it for so long now I actually thort’ this was how you prepare for an Ashes series!! Great impressions of Pietersen etc very funny just like you’re bowling figures (see above)

 

On a serious note if Nathan Lyon can extract pace and bounce from the pitch THE NATION  expects you to do the same. Rumours that an Aussie surgeon did the shoulder operation are now very believable. 6 months ago nobody would have been thinking “Hey Monty, stop peeing on that doorman and get ready for Adelaide”

 

Poacher Turned Gamekeeper

Lehmann’s secret weapon in Dene Hills the analysts who once worked for the ECB, his knowledge of the many flaws within the England team are proving priceless. However if these have been written in a little black book it’s gonna be about 1000 pages long and a best seller.

 

Now I am not saying I know all the answers to ensure we can get back into this series but if I am going to stay up throughout the nights, survive on a few hours sleep over 3 days and keep the coffee industry in business then someone from the ECB needs to read this blog. Please feel free to comment and spread the word.