Ashes to Ashes

Welcome to the first instalment of my Ashes blog otherwise known as  “What the Hell Happend in Brisbane” or “do I need to get a flight to Australia and sort things out” or Terry's back on his soapbox again.

After the brilliant efforts of Australia’s favourite Englishman Stuart Broad in the first innings it all went downhill quicker than a Nick Clegg LibDem manifesto promise.

So what has gone wrong apart from raining during the warm up games and sunshine in Brisbane test; Read on

 

Opening Pair

Most have forgotten how dodgy the opening pair have been since Strauss retired and the latest sacrificial lamb is Carberry who reined in his natural game, unlike Warner, and became almost stroke less. If he continues to wait for the bad ball he’ll wait a long time as his 14 ball duck has now meant he scored just 1 run, that’s 1 run in his last 50+ balls faced. At this rate Boycott could get a game.

 

Dead Man Walking

Dear Mr Jonathan Trott,  you must look how to duck or sway away from the short ball and god knows there are enough ex players around who faced proper hostile bowling to learn from. I like the Aussie pace attack but this isn’t Lillee and Thommo out there.

You  (normally/did have/do......delete as required) have a reputation for occupying the crease and not taking risks, this is your role, GET back to basics.

 

Boyd Rankin

I know I am in the minority by suggesting he plays but the only reason he has gone on the tour is because he can bowl with pace and bounce. The selectors must have thort’ similar or why waste the air fare.  If pace will be as decisive in the next tests play him, if not the please fly me out there coz I am more than willing to carry drinks onto the pitch. And, yes there is an and, please don’t talk to me about him leaking runs when Swann’s figures of 2/135 in the 2^nd innings are hardly containing.

 

Swann

Big, big wakeup call – a career as the cheeky chappie on BBC radio awaits you. Well you have been doing it for so long now I actually thort’ this was how you prepare for an Ashes series!! Great impressions of Pietersen etc very funny just like you’re bowling figures (see above)

 

On a serious note if Nathan Lyon can extract pace and bounce from the pitch THE NATION  expects you to do the same. Rumours that an Aussie surgeon did the shoulder operation are now very believable. 6 months ago nobody would have been thinking “Hey Monty, stop peeing on that doorman and get ready for Adelaide”

 

Poacher Turned Gamekeeper

Lehmann’s secret weapon in Dene Hills the analysts who once worked for the ECB, his knowledge of the many flaws within the England team are proving priceless. However if these have been written in a little black book it’s gonna be about 1000 pages long and a best seller.

 

Now I am not saying I know all the answers to ensure we can get back into this series but if I am going to stay up throughout the nights, survive on a few hours sleep over 3 days and keep the coffee industry in business then someone from the ECB needs to read this blog. Please feel free to comment and spread the word.