My Plan for Success or Why?

Welcome one and all my next Ashes solving instalment re-named Terry's Plan for Success or "Why the hell did I try and survive on a few hours of sleep a day to watch this crap"

Regular readers will know that I have become the self appointed PR expert to the England team offering advice and a positive way forward as we (ooops) they move onto Perth.
By the way the supply of "Keep Calm and Get Terry On The Plane" t-shirts are already on the way to the Barmy Army.

Let's start by not blaming anyone for the dismal performances, shouts of "Sack The Chairman of Selectors" will fall on deaf ears as Geoff Miller already leaves his post in January to be replaced by James Whitiker, Whitiker is vastly experienced have played one test in 1986!!

Having spoken to Captain Cook I told him that there should be no more talk of soul searching or digging deep or looking at yourself in the mirror, no that's too depressing. And you can't allow Bairstow to look in the mirror anyway, the poor lad has had enough trauma on the tour that the shock could devastating.

So my plan is to be more positive and Fight Fire With Fire.

They say that Mitchell Johnson's facial hair is being grown for charity, I thort' it was for a bet!!  But he's looking like that cowboy from the Village People  and yet people love him.
Therefore having spoken to Captain Cook we agreed that Matt Prior is the nearest to a pop star Look-a-Like. With the right choice of a shiny shirt that is opened and showing his chest, he is a deadringer for any member of the group Right Said Fred. Instead of any sledging, Prior instructions are to sing I'm too sexy for my shirt to all incoming Aussie batsman. SORTED

Next, we have to drop Swann. Yes I know we shouldn't be thinking about this be we all know it's the correct decision. His performances on the BBC's "Not Just Cricket" programme have been far below his own standards and he needs time to concentrate on his radio career. Too often fellow presenter Greg Jones has got to Swann causing him to change his style and become more withdrawn and hasn't even managed to complete a decent impersonation of KP since last month.
SORTED

Finally the players need to take their mind off the previous two tests and focus on other more positive and happier matters that can also galvanise the group and give some responsibility to those fringe players.
I suggested planning a birthday party for Joe Root who turns 13 years of age at the end of December. I know he looks older than that (perhaps 15 or 16) but what better than to celebrate becoming a teenager than being abroad with your mates and get Geoff Boycott to present a cake in the shape of a Crickeeet bat.
SORTED

On a personal note I have asked the ECB that if my plane ticket doesn't come this week could they please ensure it's available before the start of the Big Bash League as I think my PR skills could promote and assist all the English players who have been signed up so far, they are gonna need it.

Well that's all for now as we look forward to Perth,  I should point out for legal reasons that these views are my own and some (you decide) could be fiction.  Comments via Twitter @NotSubject using the Hashtag  GetTerryonthePlane


Thanks for reading

Terry